(no subject)
Apr. 8th, 2004 02:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
njordsifusansooThe Onion has some good quotes this week.
"Last week, we investigated reports that a cell in Edinburgh had sold classified British intelligence information to an American group," Woess said. "The group turned out to be the Young Republicans organization at the University of Virginia."
"Capable of navigating the billions of thoughts, experiences, and emotions that make up the human psyche, the new Yahoo soul-search engine helps users find what's deep inside them quickly and easily," Yahoo CEO Terry Semel said. "All those long, difficult nights of pondering your place in this world are a thing of the past."
Semel admits that the soul, while eminently searchable, is far from easy to navigate. There are still dangers in the form of self-deception, the soul-to-soul transmittable "D-spair" virus, and the numerous pop-up ads offering quick-fix solutions to the user's problems.
In reference to his friend who is getting divorced,
"I figure he'll need at least a week to get himself back together, so during that time, we'll just drink at home and go to movies," Sterling said. "But after that, look out! I gotta admit, it's been pretty dry in my neck of the woods. He'll be getting all that rebound action, and I'll be there to collect his cast-off pity sex."
Has this ever happened to you? You are snug in your bed when an insatiable craving overcomes you. You try to ignore it, but a piece of fried chicken in the fridge is calling you.
Before I go, let me remind you that, unlike the other candidates who hide behind lies and half-truths, I offer only the facts. The first of these facts: I don't stand a chance. The second: If, by some freak occurrence, I am voted into office, I will suck as your senator. Seriously, if elected, I will absolutely blow balls. In return for your support, you will receive nothing.
Infograph:The Hunt for Bin Laden
"Last week, we investigated reports that a cell in Edinburgh had sold classified British intelligence information to an American group," Woess said. "The group turned out to be the Young Republicans organization at the University of Virginia."
"Capable of navigating the billions of thoughts, experiences, and emotions that make up the human psyche, the new Yahoo soul-search engine helps users find what's deep inside them quickly and easily," Yahoo CEO Terry Semel said. "All those long, difficult nights of pondering your place in this world are a thing of the past."
Semel admits that the soul, while eminently searchable, is far from easy to navigate. There are still dangers in the form of self-deception, the soul-to-soul transmittable "D-spair" virus, and the numerous pop-up ads offering quick-fix solutions to the user's problems.
In reference to his friend who is getting divorced,
"I figure he'll need at least a week to get himself back together, so during that time, we'll just drink at home and go to movies," Sterling said. "But after that, look out! I gotta admit, it's been pretty dry in my neck of the woods. He'll be getting all that rebound action, and I'll be there to collect his cast-off pity sex."
Has this ever happened to you? You are snug in your bed when an insatiable craving overcomes you. You try to ignore it, but a piece of fried chicken in the fridge is calling you.
Before I go, let me remind you that, unlike the other candidates who hide behind lies and half-truths, I offer only the facts. The first of these facts: I don't stand a chance. The second: If, by some freak occurrence, I am voted into office, I will suck as your senator. Seriously, if elected, I will absolutely blow balls. In return for your support, you will receive nothing.
Infograph:The Hunt for Bin Laden
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-08 03:21 pm (UTC)That speech sounds like it could have come from a THEM member.